• Personal Development

    11 things you learn before turning 30

    1. You realize and accept your own mediocrity You probably aren’t going to “change the world.” Even if you do, you know that the likelihood that any one thing you do will be more than temporary is pretty low.   2. You stop needing to be the special snowflake You stop needing to post all the goddam time on Facebook trying to prove how amazing/successful/loved/beautiful you are.   3. You realize that the greatest impacts are the smallest. Like saying hi to your neighbor and sharing a smile. Holding a puppy. The days you are actually excited to get out of bed.   4. You get hotter Regardless of your…

  • Personal Development

    I don’t want to be around these kinds of people

    I don’t want to be around people who judge lifestyles or careers as “mediocre”/”normal” vs excellent. Or “corporate” vs. “free.” Or life/world-changing vs. not life/world-changing. These are all false dichotomies. I mean, it’s like, “normal” in relation to what? Normal compared to a 30-year-old Google employee? Normal compared to a 10-year-old kid in the Congo forced into child labor? Life-changing compared to what? Compared to Elon Musk? Compared to the security guard down the street who always greets everyone with a friendly smile? Compared to the tree that gives you oxygen to breathe every day? Free compared to who? To a rich person who feels trapped by responsibility? To a…

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  • Personal Development,  Relationships

    All relationships are a mirror

    I’ve been playing with the concept lately that all relationships and experiences are simply a mirror of your own internal landscape. So, thinking about how my relationships have either been with commitment-phobic men or overly possessive men. I could get angry about this and blame the low quality of men out there. But the reality is, these men are just manifestations of my internal landscape. Because internally I may have a belief that I’m unworthy of love, which attracts men who also believe the same (and display it with fear of commitment or possessiveness). Like attracts like. Even more trippy is thinking that if I can change my internal belief…

  • Personal Development

    Stop waiting until you have your degree to “help people”

    Stop waiting until you have your medical, nursing, or law degree to help people. Since when did “helping people” have to be this thing that only doctors, nurses, and lawyers do? Are we really so brainwashed to believe that humans are incapable of helping others unless they have a graduate degree? Or they’re wearing a professional uniform, or sitting behind a fancy desk? In fact, doctors, nurses, and lawyers are some of the LAST people I want to regularly meet to get their help. First, they cost $$$. Second, it means I’ve fucked up my life or body somehow. Third, have you ever been to a hospital or law office?…

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  • Personal Development

    We have a fucked up idea of what confidence is about

    In our culture, we have a fucked up idea of what confidence is about. We think that confidence means being strong and vulnerability means being weak. We think that for a leader to show confidence, they’ve got to be stoic and have no emotions, reveal nothing personal, and share no weaknesses. When I first started attending professional development/networking meet-ups, this is what I tried to project. But I struggled to build warm connections instantly. Months after the fact, I finally learned why: Yes, I came across as cool – but too cool for you. Aloof. Even intimidating. That was because internally, I felt afraid and defended/walled-up. Since I was a kid, I had become convinced at a deep level…

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  • Personal Development

    To every woman

    My heart goes out to every woman who’s been cowed into docility, rewarded for being submissive, and idolized for perfectionism. And then isn’t taken seriously when she walks into the workplace, because she somehow doesn’t exude confidence or competence. To every woman who’s been told, “You need to be more confident” – while living under constant scrutiny, criticism, and negative feedback since the day she was born about the value of her body and appearance. To every woman who’s gotten the message, “You’re a prude” just because she’s said no. To every woman who’s gotten the message, “You’re slutting it up,” when she decides to embrace and act on the…

  • Personal Development

    I challenged myself for one year to share original and deeply personal writings on Facebook

    For about a year, I’ve been running an experiment on my Facebook. I challenged myself to stop passively consuming content – posting clever memes, interesting articles, funny videos, and food pictures. I challenged myself to instead share more original and deeply personal writings and areas of expertise. Here’s what happened as a result: Richer discussions. People got INSPIRED. They started to change what they do. People started THINKING. They would talk to me offline about the things I wrote about. They didn’t just read about it and forget it. At this point, anyone who’s benefited from my writing on Facebook is NOT going to tell me, “Please go back to…

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  • Personal Development

    I am a person who

    My roommate and I once played a game called “I am a person who.” The idea is to think of all of the things you want or WISH were true, and then to say it like it IS true. So instead of saying, “I want to be successful” you say, “I am a person who is successful.” You don’t judge the statement or analyze it. You just notice how it feels, and allow yourself to experience its truth in the moment. Whatever you want to say is game. So tonight, while I was standing at a stoplight on the sidewalk, I decided to play this game with myself. (Yes, I talk…

  • Featured,  Personal Development,  Relationships

    What a break-up and Gossip Girl taught me about self-worth

    I had just broken up with someone. Actually, he dumped me over the phone. So in the weeks afterwards, my whole world disintegrated into an upside-down nightmare. I couldn’t stop crying, despite feeling like I shouldn’t waste tears over this guy. I didn’t know if I should take time off dating. Or if I should try to jump right back into the game of lackluster first dates via your dating app of choice. My social calendar, previously filled to the brim with fun dates at trendy spots, parties, and cuddling Netflix nights, was now empty. My friends were sympathetic, but most were focused on their long-term relationships or marriages and…

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