• Personal Development

    We have a fucked up idea of what confidence is about

    In our culture, we have a fucked up idea of what confidence is about. We think that confidence means being strong and vulnerability means being weak. We think that for a leader to show confidence, they’ve got to be stoic and have no emotions, reveal nothing personal, and share no weaknesses. When I first started attending professional development/networking meet-ups, this is what I tried to project. But I struggled to build warm connections instantly. Months after the fact, I finally learned why: Yes, I came across as cool – but too cool for you. Aloof. Even intimidating. That was because internally, I felt afraid and defended/walled-up. Since I was a kid, I had become convinced at a deep level…

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  • Personal Development

    To every woman

    My heart goes out to every woman who’s been cowed into docility, rewarded for being submissive, and idolized for perfectionism. And then isn’t taken seriously when she walks into the workplace, because she somehow doesn’t exude confidence or competence. To every woman who’s been told, “You need to be more confident” – while living under constant scrutiny, criticism, and negative feedback since the day she was born about the value of her body and appearance. To every woman who’s gotten the message, “You’re a prude” just because she’s said no. To every woman who’s gotten the message, “You’re slutting it up,” when she decides to embrace and act on the…

  • Personal Development

    I challenged myself for one year to share original and deeply personal writings on Facebook

    For about a year, I’ve been running an experiment on my Facebook. I challenged myself to stop passively consuming content – posting clever memes, interesting articles, funny videos, and food pictures. I challenged myself to instead share more original and deeply personal writings and areas of expertise. Here’s what happened as a result: Richer discussions. People got INSPIRED. They started to change what they do. People started THINKING. They would talk to me offline about the things I wrote about. They didn’t just read about it and forget it. At this point, anyone who’s benefited from my writing on Facebook is NOT going to tell me, “Please go back to…

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  • Personal Development

    I am a person who

    My roommate and I once played a game called “I am a person who.” The idea is to think of all of the things you want or WISH were true, and then to say it like it IS true. So instead of saying, “I want to be successful” you say, “I am a person who is successful.” You don’t judge the statement or analyze it. You just notice how it feels, and allow yourself to experience its truth in the moment. Whatever you want to say is game. So tonight, while I was standing at a stoplight on the sidewalk, I decided to play this game with myself. (Yes, I talk…

  • Featured,  Personal Development,  Relationships

    What a break-up and Gossip Girl taught me about self-worth

    I had just broken up with someone. Actually, he dumped me over the phone. So in the weeks afterwards, my whole world disintegrated into an upside-down nightmare. I couldn’t stop crying, despite feeling like I shouldn’t waste tears over this guy. I didn’t know if I should take time off dating. Or if I should try to jump right back into the game of lackluster first dates via your dating app of choice. My social calendar, previously filled to the brim with fun dates at trendy spots, parties, and cuddling Netflix nights, was now empty. My friends were sympathetic, but most were focused on their long-term relationships or marriages and…

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  • Featured,  Personal Development

    How to Dramatically Improve Your Charisma in Just 4 Weeks

     I spent about 4-5 months working on charisma and inner confidence. These are the techniques I used during my first 30 days, which is where I saw the biggest immediate gains.   Week 1: Wear only what sparks joy I hired a stylist, who came up with more perfect outfits that looked amazing and felt like me in two hours than I ever found in two years, all within my budget. If you’re confident enough in your style to not want a stylist, though, then this is the main principle to follow: wear only what sparks joy. There are 3 main reasons for this: The slightest bit of discomfort (whether…

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  • Satire & Humor

    The 3 kinds of people you’ll find at a gym

    Here are my observations of the kinds of people you will find at a gym depending on the time of day: The early morning crowd: If you want to network with high-powered people, this is it. CEOs, senior executives, and otherwise intense individuals hit the gym before half the world is even awake. They’re the ones who get shit done and somehow have it all together. The number of times I’ve worked out alongside my company’s CEO and other senior execs is astonishing. The lunchtime crowd: Made up of lots of women who take group fitness classes. Interestingly, they seem to be primarily women who are either ashamed of their bodies…

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  • Personal Development

    Can charisma be learned?

    Once, a friend wanted to introduce me to an extremely socially awkward friend of hers. Because she thought we were both awkward and maybe we would click and be awkward together. Needless to say, I wasn’t a poster child for charisma. Yet, in the past few months, things are changing. I can walk into a room, and instantly, people notice and want to meet me. People tell me I’m beautiful and amazing and can’t understand how I got to be this way. In some cases, I’m wearing the exact same clothes and hairstyle as I was before – yet getting more positive attention now. I get more introductions and more…

  • Featured,  Personal Development

    How to maintain motivation, systematize your efforts, and overcome mental barriers

    There are 3 aspects of achieving a goal: Motivation (desire to actually accomplish it) Creating a SYSTEM for action (knowing what you will actually DO) Letting go of FEARS that hold you back Over the past few years, I’ve developed my own internal system and process for maintaining motivation, systematizing my efforts, and overcoming mental barriers, which I’ve outlined below. This was the general process I went through when I: dropped out of law school despite countless people urging me not to – and landed a dream job 2 weeks later took up muay thai kickboxing with no martial arts background left a cult-like church of 10 years improved my…

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  • Personal Development

    10 Lies About Life, Careers, and Social Skills

    Today I am going to deconstruct some career, life, and social skills lies I was told growing up. LIE #1: With age comes wisdom. No, with age comes… age. If you keep doing the same stupid things year after year, you’re not getting wiser. You only get to be wiser if you actually learn from, think about, and reflect on your experiences – and apply it. LIE #2: Your major matters. Today, your college education matters less and less than it did before. What REALLY matters is your ability to think for yourself, solve problems, learn on the fly, and seek help. LIE #3: People only like you if you’re…

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